R5

A realization: When you use antibacterial soap or hand sanitizer, do the bacteria just get zapped away, or do their little bacteria bodies just chill on your skin?

I would appreciate if someone answered this question for me.

[If they just chill, my hands are as good as a mortuary.]

R1

A realization: on “pet names” (that phrase irks me).

When a boy calls me sweetheart, I get weak in the knees. 

When a boy says he loves me, I get weak in the head.

I have been in the situation more than once that I have been absolutely smitten, and I must say it took me quite a while before I realized that I was partaking in something poisonous.

Does this happen with every relationship? No, of course not.

However! it does happen sometimes.

I have this awful tendency to blame myself for lots of things, relationship issues being one of them. This has lead to my insecurity.

But that’s ok, because problems can be fixed.

Pet names are persistent remnant of childhood, a reminder that life is not always so serious, so formal, so complicated.

-Jhumpa Lahiri

LT1

A love thought: I wish that loving someone could make them love themselves.

Have you ever been in that situation where you love someone more than anything?

And has that person continued to put themselves down?

Well. That’s what I’m talking about. If you find someone who doesn’t love him/herself, you will more than likely be at a complete loss.

Because unfortunately the world isn’t always what we want it to be.

And unfortunately people don’t always love themselves.

BT1

A blog thought: I am beginning to Tumble (Tumble?) again. And I just have one question.

Is blogging even blogging anymore?

All I see are pictures, not what has been considered ‘blogging.’

Just some food for thought:

(no, not food for sea creatures…) 

blog [blawg, blog] noun, verb, blogged,blog·ging.                     1.a Web site containing the writer’s or group of writers’ ownexperiences, observations, opinions, etc., and often having images and links to other Web sites.

Alright, so I’ll give you that they “often have” images. I just think that images don’t always convey the full experience, observation, opinion, etc.
Not everyone can see what you see. But they can certainly read what you write. [Unless of course they’re illiterate…but that’s a discussion for another time.]

JAT1

Just a thought: People say it’s cliché, but life really is like a rollercoaster.

I may be acting intellectual because I am listening to film scores while reviewing for my physics final while reflecting on my not-so-happy-going day, but I really feel like I am riding on a rollercoaster right now.

It’s like when you’re little and you have to be a certain height to ride, but you really want to go on the ride so you stand up as tall as possible and cheat your way on.

That’s kind of like life. Actually, strike that. That’s a lot like life. We try our hardest to get thru it and enjoy doing it, and sometimes we cut corners or get a little sick and suffer from the ride. Or sometimes it gets worse. We weren’t tall enough in the first place to take on this rollercoaster, and the safety measures aren’t for someone who cheated their way on. Well. Now you’re just in a lot of trouble and you’re in way too deep and you could fly out of your seat any moment. You probably never saw it coming. And now shit has hit the fan and you have no idea what you’ve gotten into, so that really sucks for you.

Some people say we grow stronger from cheating our way into the ride and having it miserably backfire, but I say we just suffer. We should have known not to take on something we couldn’t handle. And we really should have.

Then there’s the people who cheat their way on over and over. [But I won’t get into that because this is already a rambling mess.] These are the people who enjoy being miserable OR they just think feeling that way is normal. Hell if I know.

[Maybe it is normal.]

R4

A realization: There is always that one little thing that you need to hear that makes everything a little better.

Thank you, that is all.

[I am so thankful for the weight that you just lifted from me.]

ST2

A shower thought: I cannot believe I have let my life fall this far.

I know this seems like just another whiny post, but hear me out. I almost wish that I had not revealed this blog to my friends because I could speak more openly about what is going on (wrong) in my life.

I’m very ill, in more ways than one, and I don’t know how to deal with either of them.

Because I know I’m just going to prove how weak I am and go right back to what I’ve been doing for the past month and a half.

I feel so guilty, alone, hurt, sad, angry, elated, secretive, pathetic, achy, fake, wrong, justified, and just about everything else.

I need to do something about it, but I am also absolutely terrified to. And I think something bad could end up happening if I don’t, but I just don’t have the bravery it would take.

Or the will power. But I guess people are usually like that.

[I wish you could buy courage.]

R3

A realization: It is 1230am. I have a calculus take home quiz to do. I don’t know the first step to the first problem (much less the next two).

So what do I do?

Tumble, of course.

Part of what is distracting me from the pertinent task of this quiz is that I just showered and did not dry my hair.

So thanks to the air conditioning which is necessary here in the Sunshine State, I feel somewhat like the attached photograph.

Except without the lab coming to my rescue. More like Rose on the door. [Selfish beeotch.]

I’ll get over it.

But not before I find some other reason not to do this quiz.

FT2

A flying thought: Despite my absolute certainty of death by fireballing aircraft, I have survived this one.

So I thought I would share my experience of this third flight in my life.

It was the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced in nature, I think.

I had taken one Dramamine, so I was, of course, a little drowsy. But I am absolutely sure that looking out at the overcast clouds above Allentown, and dropping thru them was the most beautiful thing I have experienced yet.

I can’t even explain it, so this is the best I can do:

                       [I have been converted.]

FT1

A flying thought:

So I’ll be flying home tomorrow. Right now, I’m at an aviation school. Training to design planes (and weaponry, BITCHES). Wanna know how I feel right now?

Absolutely terrified.

I’ve flown twice in my life, once to come down to visit this aviation school, and once coming home from visiting this aviation school.

You’d think I would be better about flying, but I’m already beginning to get my pre-flight panic.

A scenario: Hijacking. That’s what scares me the most.

Another scenario: The goddamn plane falling out of the sky. That scares me second-to-most.

In short, I’m really scared, so if this were to be my last Tumble, I’d like to say: Ladies and gentlemen, I thank you. [Ladies and gentlemen being my…3ish followers]